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The Tourist reviews….


Starring no name actors! With a director you havent heard of!

Now, I’m what you would like to call a “zombie connoseuir”. I’ve seen’em all. ALL. Even a lot of late sixties – seventies Italian zombie movies. I was, “that guy” that forced his friends to sit through such classics as “Dawn of the Dead” and “Dead Alive” way back when.

Severed is about *sigh* an experiment with genetically engineered trees that goes wrong. Now, I’m not going to throw this movie under the bus for that alone. But lets take a look at some better causes for zombie epidemics:

1. Night of the Living Dead- Radiation from a comet! Eeery!

2. 28 Days Later…- Man made virus! Political!

3. Dead Alive- Bite from a half rat/half monkey! Funny!

4. Zombie- Voodoo experiements in the caribbean! Michale Bay-ish!

Its an independent film, so for that reason I will excuse a lot of things. Mediocre acting, so-so special effects, and location are all forgiven. Truth be told, most of that isnt too bad in this one. But its soooo predictable. Hero wanders in unaware. Almost bites it. Gets saved. Gets told. Friends die. Hooks up with camp of neonazi white people. Apparently which is worse than zombies. Heros leave. Zombies get in. Everybody dies.

Although the gayness factor is minimal compared to Land of the Dead, this movie still aint cutting the head off the shoulders, if you know what I mean.


Meh. So so. Ok, sortof. If you have nothing else to watch and are desperate enough, and you can find it, go for it. But if you come crying to me about wanting your two hours back, dont. You were warned….

The Tourist

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  1. skydoe
    September 25th, 2006 at 06:05 | #1

    What?! No mention of SSSssss! were the mad doctor has a passion of turning his lab assistants into snakes. Oh wait, zombies… nevermind.

  2. skydoe
    September 25th, 2006 at 06:27 | #2

    Oh wait! Now I realize why you watched that movie. Because it had Paul Campbell in it. Just not the same without Bruce in it… sorry.

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